Unsexiest Female Celebs - #27 Queen Latifah

Queen Latifah? How big is the land mass? Breast reduction surgery? Maybe you should have tried body reduction surgery! Chicago? More like the size of Chicago! Bringing Down the House? You are the house! Beauty Shop? You could have fooled me! Is it just me, or are my posts getting meaner and meaner the close I get to #1?

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #28 Brittany Murphy

What do you we have here? A nice segue from Cher to an actress who got her start playing Cher...'s makeover project Tai, In Clueless. And speaking of makeovers, boy have the years been kind to Brittany Murphy. In this shot of the three stars of Clueless. let's play Where's Waldo?, but in this case, it's Where's Brittany?

http://images.chron.com/content/news/photos/05/08/12/clueless.jpg

Yeah, she looked kind of different then. But it's a little scary how different she looks. From downtown dumpy to uptown girl should not be this drastic. This is the same girl who once starred on Almost Home. At that age, I'm sure that she turned men Almost Homo. Even Mouth wouldn't have given her Mouth to Mouth, (side notes, yes I am aware that this is my second straight One Tree Hill reference. Yes, I am also aware that for the first time in my life, I have called Lee Norris 'Mouth' and not 'Mincus'. Thanks a lot, Sara)

Oh, and if Brittany Murphy still looked the way that she used to, I am sure that Ashton Kutcher would have stayed Just Friends with her Eminem would never have gone down her 8 mile road, and her talent manager wouldn't have managed her talent, (it was the best I could do). She also went to the prom with the late Jonathan Brandis, but this was before she 'transformed', and I don't want to insult the dead, (plus, he starred in The Neverending Story II, which is a joke of a different color). Where was I? Oh yeah, nobody would have got with ugly Brittany Murphy, perhaps not even 'co-star' Mark McGrath, who I assume is just back from trip to Asia, which is a vast continent. Brittany Murphy also performed with the Pussy Dolls. Coincidence...or conspiracy?

What else? Oh yeah, nobody would have put ugly Brittany Murphy's number in their Little Black Book, nobody would have tried to be the King of her Hill, and (why didn't I use this one earlier), nobody would have tried to get to Almost home with her. Yet, after her makeover, (more like like makeunder...yes!), everybody's been trying to Summer Catch Brittany Murphy. But I liked her better before. However, I am probably just saying that since I found out that her father is a criminal. Don't say a word.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #29 Cher

Before, I was talking about celebrities who only go by one name. Excluding Madonna, who I have already written about, the most famous is probably Cher. There are a lot of good things about Cher. For example, "I Got You Babe", both the Sonny and the Beavis and Butt-head versions. Also, the scene in Stuck on You with Cher in bed with Frankie Muniz was genius. Lastly, Cher's style of singing paved the way for Pearl Jam, Creed, Nickelback, Live, Staind, and Daughtry. Wait, maybe that's a bad thing about Cher. I know there's an "If I can turn back time" joke there somewhere, but I can't find. Oh, and I don't know if this is about Cher, but I'm sure that she is somewhat responsible "What's the last thing that went through Sonny's Mind?" Answer "The Tree". Too soon?

Oh, but Cher, I believe that you are responsible for so many bad things. For example, you were getting tattoos before they were popular, and now look at what has happened. You were exposing your belly and straightening your hair, before those trends were popular. Oh, and the plastic surgeries, now everybody is getting them. The dating younger guys trend, that's old hat by now, (or is it?), and being a celebrity who is all into politics, that's a cliche already. So there you go, trendsetter Cher. You innovated all these new things, and now everybody else has made them ubiquitous. At least nobody tried to copy your Oscar hat. However, your worst trend that has become mainstream is that Believe album. Cher, your biggest hit album featured crappy dance songs featuring manipulated vocals. Sound familiar, Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, Gwen Stefani, Hilary Duff, Pink, Nelly Furtado, Beyoncé, Pussycat Dolls? Farewell, Cher.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #30 Chantal Hébert

Finally, a fellow journalist makes this list. Emphasis on fellow. I don't know much about this guy, erm woman, other than that I was flipping channels, and this uh, it was on a panel on The National. I don't know what they were talking about, I don't know what Chantal Hébert writes about for the Toronto Star, (I assume that it's something political), but the dude looked like a lady. Or the other way around. In either case, man, oh, man. Yet, I could tell it was a woman, even though I am more feminine than she is. Here. see for yourself:

http://static.voir.ca/_images/montreal/2112/texte/ac_chebert_2112.jpg

Guy yi yi!

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #31 Björk

Speaking of people who used to go by one name, here's a person who still goes by one name, albeit one with a weird thing on the third letter - Björk, or phonetically - Beeyork. Although I would certainly go by one name too, is my last name was Guðmundsdóttir. That's just a string of letters and symbols. It reminds me if the old joke: "Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?" Answer: "You'd kill yourself too if your name was sajifjlsisdjifiuop" Other good Helen Keller jokes include: "Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?" Answer: "Because she's a woman", "What's Helen Keller's favorite color?" Answer: "Corduroy" Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?" Answer: "So she can moan with the other". Yes, I am going to hell(en Keller).

So where was I? Oh yeah, Beeyork's fruity last name. I guess that can be explained by her heritage. Still, her children have this misfortune to be named Ísadóra Bjarkardóttir Barney, (at least she has a normal last name), and Sindri Eldon Þórsson. WTF? I can't even begin to pronounce that last name. It's like an emoticon of a tongue hanging out. As 'Alex Trebek' on 'Celebrity Jeopardy!' asked, "Are you Icelandic or Retarded?" Yes, I know that I used that reference for Minnie Driver, but bear with me.

What can be made of Beeyork's weirdness? Does her Icelandicism explain why she recorded an entire album without instruments? Plus, why didn't she think to invite Rockapella to guest-star? Tragic. Also, why are her most recent albums almost completely unlistenable, yet even rock journalist in the world goes crazy heaping praise on her? The only songs of hers that I know are "Army of Me", "It's Nice and Quiet", (shhh shhh), and that song with Thom Yorke, (who is trying to pull a Beeyork of his own) from Dancing in the Dark. I know that these are her 'safe' songs, but if this is thr work of a musical genius, like the guy in the beer commercial, I must be oblivious to everything. But hey, if you dig Bujork, enjoy the Timbaland produced (!) 'Volta', coming May 7th. I'll stick with Gavin DeGraw.

Seriously, is this sexy?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/08/Bjork_-_Homogenic_album_cover.jpg

Is this?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/98/Medulla.jpg

I know that this is.
http://news.softpedia.com/images/news2/Bjork-s-Swan-Dress-Will-Be-Auctioned-For-Charity-2.jpg

At least it's clear that she doesn't wanna be anything other than her. Clearly, there are those who see past the swan dresses and sees Björk's Skills. Everything in Its Right Place, Nothing Left to Say But Goodbye. Guðmundsdóttir, everybody!

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #32 Roseanne Barr

And yes, I made sure that she is back to 'Barr'. As I said before, there are no 'gimmies' on this list. what this is that even the women that no man, (or bi-curious woman), would find attractive still makes it on to this list. And hey, some people must have found her attractive: some guy named Bill Pentland, the hilarious Tom Arnold, her security guard, her parents, whoops, let's not talk about that last one.

So don't tell me that nobody finds her attractive. Plus, Roseanne is soon to be the newest Desperate Housewife, which means that I don't have to write blog-length posts about any of the other Housewives. So let's just say there was a five way tie for Unseixest Female Celeb #101, and I'll let you know what I would say about all of them.

Teri Hatcher looks like a mummy, the Egyptian kind, and mysteriously went out with 'metrosexual' Ryan Seacrest. also, she smells like Dean Cain.

Felicity Huffman has kind of a droopy-looking face, feels that she herself is not pretty and worst of all, she was way too convincing as a he/she in Transamerica.

Marcia Cross has kind of a wide face, and I'm going to stop there, because if I say anything about her hair or skin, then I'll be a Desperate HouseChas.

Nicollette Sheridan seems really old, but more than that, she voluntaily goes home to Michael Bolton. She said 'I Love you'....and she didn't lie!

Eva Longoria does have a rockin' birthday, but beware her ides as well. She was my favorite housewife, until I realized that she's a midget with a lower-back cross tattoo, seems to be more 'make-up' hot than anything, and is making it with a foreign exchange baller who plays for Le Spurs. Now I would like to Spur(n) Eva Longoria.

But alas, none of these ladies made the list, (and neither did Alfre Woodard or that woman who narrates), but soon-to-be permanent cast-member Roseanne did. but hey, what doesn't kill her is making her stronger. So in honor of Roseanne making this list, let's belt out the national anthem, put on a Halloween costume, play poker around a table, buy a lottery ticket, eat a loose-meat sandwich, ogle a mulleted George Clooney, (eww), replace one of our sisters with another, and pretend that this post didn't actually exist.

Oh, and let's not talk about gay activism, though I do know some people who act like Roseanne described (Chas! Chas!) Here's to you 'Grossanne'. In each life some rain falls, but you also get some sun. Eh ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #33 Jann Arden

Hey, the CanCon regulations actually work! Call me insensitive if you like, but sometimes, you have to go for the gimmes on this list. Oh my lord! Even though Jann Arden has recently lost fifty (!) pounds, as you can see in this picture, http://www.whatsonwinnipeg.com/promotions/jannarden/index.php I still would not die for her. The combination of her overly made-up face, and the fact that every single time you turn on a mainstream Canadian radio station, they happen to be playing one of her songs, ensures that she doesn't fall fifty spots on this list. Also, in my head, she will always be large. Even though, that's something of a mixed metaphor, it's true. MuchMusic played her video like a million times a day. This is no time for Mercy, Jann Arden.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #34 Julia Stiles

Here are 10 Things I Hate About Julia Stiles:

1. I actually like that movie. I like the way the characters are real. I like the way t makes me feel etc.

2. She's a child actor turned adult actor, which seems like a successful formula to get on this list (see Dunst, Kirsten, her co-star in Mona Lisa Smile et al)

3. The expression 'moon-face' suits Julia Stiles perfectly

4. She's not related to improv superstar Ryan Stiles

5. She supports John Kerry and is all political. There is nothing wrong with John Kerry, but she's all political.

6. Julia dated 'Tommy' from 3rd Rock and 'Pacey' from Dawson's Creek. She cannot compare to the awesomeness of those shows and actors.

7. I saw about ten minutes of A Guy Thing on TMN and had to turn it off. I love shitty romantic comedies, and this was a shitty romantic comedy, but a better title for it would have been A Burning my Eyes Thing.

8. Once again, her moon-face.

9. All of her other stupid Shakespeare inspired films. O? More like O No! Damn, I'm on today.

10. She was completely unconvincing as 'hood' in Save the Last Dance, makes a horrible-looking pair with Matt Damon in the Bourne movies, (plus she's no Franka Potente, and I feel nothing for Franka Potente), I hate that The Omen came out on 6/6/06, (the next day is much better), and she looked all old in the commercials. So basically I blame Julia Stiles for the suckiness, and very rarely, the non-suckiness of her movies. She should have stayed in school.

10a. Did I mention her moon-face?

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #35 Andie MacDowell

Andie MacDowell would fit a little better into yesterday's theme, which is actresses that seem to be in a lot of movies, but really haven't been in that many movies, as embodied by Minnie Driver, and sort of Gwyneth Paltrow. I guess that Andie MacDowell's most famous roles are in sex, lies and videotape, (pretentious title plus early work of Steven Soderbergh equals strike one). Her other famous starring role is in Groundhog Day, but if I remember that movie correctly, Bill Murray only gets into her after Day 476. Whoa! Deja vu! Strike Two. Perhaps Andie MacDowell is best known for those Clairol ads, where she admits to dying her hair. Sorry Andie, you are so not worth it. Strike three, you're sexy. Oh, and your name is Andie. Strike four?

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #36 Courtney Love

Too easy. I hate her.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #38 and #37 Minnie Driver and Gwyneth Paltrow

Keeping with the unofficial theme of the day, (Baaaaston). How about the ex-girlfriends of the two dorks who wrote that touchy-feely movie with Mork from Ork. And how funny is it that Matt Damon would get his future girlfriend to play his ex-girlfriend in the film. Though I don't really have an opinion about Skylar Satenstein, (except for her wicked cool name), the actress that Matt or Gus or whoever got to play her is one weird-looking, and weird-acting chick, (as 'Alex Trebek' asked 'Minnie Driver' on Celebrity Jeopardy! Are you English or retarded?)

For example, what's up with the fact that other than that Phantom movie, (it should have been her under the mask) she hasn't been seen in a well-known movie since 1997? What's up with the fact that Grosse Point Blank and Good Will Hunting have the same title, and the fact that she dated both of her costars? Why was she on Will and Grace? What's up with her music career? And I guess the best question of all is...why is she so unsexy? Will Hunting must have taken too many blows to the head, or perhaps he saw Skylar as his beard, when in reality he had the hots for Chuckie. How do you like dem Affles?

As for Chuckie, when he making Good Will Hunting, all of his famous future relationships were still a twinkle in his eye, (except for his gay relationship with Matt, they are from Cambridge after all). GWH was filmed almost a decade before Garfleck and little Violet, a half-decade before Bennifer, (wait, they dated?), and it was even before Ben's most irritating relationship of all, (and yes, I am aware of the magnitude of that statement). I'm talking, of course, about Ben and Gwen, who didn't even have a cool nickname.

How much do I loathe Gwyneth Paltrow? Let me count the ways. There's her current husband, Chris, the Really Amazingly Profound singer in some band. There's her kids names, Apple and Moses. There's her name. There's her faux Briitsh accent and friendship with the also faux British Madonna, (maybe she should have befriended Minnie Driver). There's her mostly sucky movie career. Let's see, how many Gwyneth movies did I like? Shakespeare in Love was alright. In Shallow Hal I liked her better fat. Se7en would have been better if we had seen her head in the box, (oh yeah, and she dated Brad Pitt, too. Yuck.) Sliding Doors was okay, but only for the Aqua song. It was irritating to see her pretend to be British again. So I guess I only liked her S movies.

Now for the Gwen movies that I hated - The Royal Tenenbaums with that whole incest angle, and did you know that she dated Luke Wilson in real life too? Ewww. I didn't see Duets, but I'm sure it lives up to its alternate title of Don't Duets, even with Huey Lewis playing her father or boyfriend or something. I saw about five minutes of Bounce, and that was enough. As for her other S movies, Sky Captain etc. was just her in front of a green screen for two hours, and Sylvia made me want to commit suicide. Actually, I made that last part up entirely, but it fit, so don't tell. Oh yeah, she had that completely unnecessary cameo in Goldmember, and was in this godawful movie with Austin Powers where she played a flight attendant. Geez, she really hasn't been in that many movies.

On a completely random tangent, I like her mother's work, (despite having just dissed two films she co-starred with Gwyneth in, and despite the fact that she probably named Gwyneth), and it's cool that she's all into her Jewish heritage, but these factors are completely negated by the fact that she's married to the dude from Coldplay, her relationship with Bad Pitt, her friendship with Affleck, not marrying the ketchup guy and becoming John Kerry's daughter-in-law, and I just found out that she once went out with that Canadian guy from Felicity, and get this, Canadian rocker Bryan Adams. Gwyan Padams? Don't Duet!

Plus, is Gwyneth Paltrow sexy? Sure, if you like women who are not even thirty-five but give off the vibe of being eighty. She seems really old. Oh, and speaking of old, I hope that this list continues for another twenty years, so then I can take a bite out of Apple.

Yes, Matt and Ben have moved on to other projects, (each other), but we can never forget their most famous relationships: a British woman who got dumped on Oprah, and a non-British woman who said on Oprah of her daughter's name: "I just thought it sounded so lovely and...clean!" That's weird. Since these relationships, the number of movies that Matt and Ben have co-written amounts to...zero, probably because every time they are together, they look to each other for 'sympathy' at having such unsexy girlfriends.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #39 Rachel Dratch

I don't think that I'm queeh or retahded to think that rachel drtach is unsexy. Though it might be a bit of a Downer, I find that rachel Dratch just comes up short in the sexy department. In fact, I think that she looks better as Qterplix, the lovechild of Angelina Jolie and her brother.

Oh my gawd, Tommy, tell me you got this in writin' And I thank you.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #40 Ashley Papelbon

I must really dislike a player to call his non-celebrity wife unsexy . Let's get one thing straight, Jonny Paps is an incredible pitcher, and he is almost singlehandedly carrying my fantasy team (s) right now. But he lost a lot of points when he was mean to Sara. So I now don't feel so bad smearing Ashley Papelbon. She's dark, like shoe leather, but remember, she's baked, not fried.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #42 and #41 Lil' Kim and New York

To settle this clash of the titans, we will have to do a head to head showdown, with the unsexiest the one receiving the most points.

Slept with a rapper - both, (Notorious B.I.G. vs. Flavor Flav)

Reality TV shows - 4-2 New York (Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll and Lil Kim: Countdown to Lockdown vs. Flavor of Love, Flavor of Love 2, Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School and I Love New York). Although, to be fair, New York only cameoed on Charm School, and Lil' Kim's Lockdown show has a second season. Why that show not picked up by a Canadian carrier makes no sense to me.

Unmarried Parents - (Kim's parents are separated 1, while New York's were never married 2)

Breast Implants - both

Tit tattoos - New York

Jail Time - Just Kim, (presumably)

Appearances in movie masterpiece You Got Served - Kim, playing exactly the same role as she plays on the Pussycat Dolls show, since when did she become an expert in all things pseudo-Hip-Hop?

Appearances in the movie masterpiece Juwanna Mann - Kim, playing herself. And yes, I now this first-hand. I suck.

Better known by nickname - both, duh!

Duets and feuds with 5o Cent - 2-0 Kim, (50 Cent refused to make a video for Magic Stick, which nonetheless became a huge success)

Famous feuds with other women - like 9-2 New York (Deelishis, Buckwild, Pumkin, Bootz, Hottie, Krazy, Rain etc. etc. vs. Foxy Brown and Eve)

Mother who inexplicably is a minister - New York, though she seems to be as amoral as her daughter.

Guest appearances in remakes of crappy Disco songs featuring the word 'Lady'- 2-0 Kim, (Ladies Night and Lady Marmalade)

Remakes of Phil Collins songs - Kim. (In the Air Tonite. yes, I am aware of the spelling)

Under five feet tall - Kim.

Too much make-up - both

General bitchiness - Major advantage to New York, but that could just be Reality TV editing, as Lil' Kim is the 'nice judge' on Pussycat Dolls, and a big Asia supporter. I bet that in real life she hates them all, especially Asia.

Crappy New York hometown - Again, advantage to New York (Utica vs. Brooklyn)

Crappy reason to go to prison - Kim. (Perjury? Isn't that just lying?)

Winner - Too close to call. I guess the winner is us.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #43 Alanis Morissette

You oughta have known that I was going to put Ottawa's finest female singer on this list. Believe it or not, Alanis is only thirty-two, but has gone through a lifetime of career successes, without once being even remotely sexy. let's go through a few of my favorites:

You Can't Do That on Television. This was one of my favorite shows growing up. I used to watch it on YTV every chance that I would get. Even though the show ran for more than ten years, Alanis was only on one season. Still, even then, she looked better covered in slime.

Alanis - Dance Pop sensation. I love that video where she flirted with a hot dude, played by the yet unknown Matt Leblanc. I think that they played her video once every ten minutes on MuchMusic, and her videos were regularly featured on Electric Circus. After Alanis hit it big in the U.S. it was said that she came out of nowhere. Yet in Canada, they played her dancey stuff as much as, and maybe more than her 'serious' stuff.

Just One of the Girls. This movie is an absolute classic. For some reason, Corey Haim has to dress like a woman for a cheerleading competition. Though he looks absolutely nothing like a woman, this big steroided-up dude tries to go out with him. Also, there is a scene where he reveals his deception to his teachers, the girl he is lusting after, the steroid dude, etc. and yet everybody forgives him. Dance Alanis has a brief (uncredited!) spot in the movie, playing...Dance Alanis. It's her name in the movie and everything. Unbelievable!

Going down on Uncle Joey in a Theatre. I wonder if it was a full house.

Jagged Little Pill. why did everybody in the world own this album, yet nobody bought her follow-up albums? This was a huge seller. And let me amend my previous comment, the videos were played all the freakin' time. I didn't really understand the You Oughta Know video, (it seemed like she was rockin' out on a rock. Alanis looked really bad in Hand in my Pocket video, (the black and white did not help her). The You Learn video where she walked around a lot and looked edgy, was replaced by a live version of the song, and subsequent video, where she walked around a lot, and looked even edgier, on stage, in the bath, outside in the cold, and throwing snowballs at the guy who would become the drummer for the Foo Fighters. And of course, who could forget the song....

Ironic. I am not going to mention the misuse of the word, or the brilliant lyric about 10,000 spoons, but instead I will talk about the video. I couldn't understand the irony of having four different Alanises (Alanisi?) in a car wearing different clothes and featuring different hairstyles. Also, it looked cold in the car, and her crackers looked gross.

Head over Feet. The video which just featured a close-up of Alanis' weird looking face for four minutes. Yuck.

The Wesley Willis song Alanis Morissette. The video features an Alanis lookalike, who is much hotter than the real Alanis.

Thank U. Finally, India gets the gratitude it so greatly deserves, but what's with the hip-hop spelling. Also, this was a naked video. A nude Alanis, (with light and hair obscuring all the important things), walks around the city looking all godlike, and people come up in touch her. She also rides the bus naked, and goes to a clothing optional convenience store. I'm sure there was a message in the video / song, but I didn't get it.

Uninvited. The first Alanis 'un' song. It is from the movie City of Angels, which I didn't see. i guess the song wasn't bad, and at least there was no video. Or maybe there was, and MuchMusic no longer cared about her by that point.

Unsent. That song where she she just said a bunch of guys names and tried to fit in a lot of words. Said to have inspired Panic! At the Disco. Just kidding. But this song is bad even for Alanis standards, and Panic! at the Disco are terrible even by emo standards. More like Alanis! at the Disco. I wouldn't go.

Playing God in the movie Dogma. I feel like Kevin Smith is dyslexic, and meant to offer her the role of Dog. Oh snap!

Playing herself on Curb Your Enthusiasm. That neck-brace scene was hella funny. Howeevr, this episode pretended that the identity of the guy in the You Oughta Know song is a secret, but everybody knows that it's funnyman Dave Coulier. Cut it out! Also, she was supposedly on an episode of Sex and the City, but I wouldn't know because I've never seen that show in my life.

Hands Clean. Oooh, Alanis is seduced and discarded by an older man. You Oughta Know Alanis, that you've done this song already. Next!

Everything. The song was more adult contemporary (read - boring) then ever. The video featured Alanis with short hair, yet as unsexy as ever. Next!

Eight Easy Steps. A video in which Alanis ruined all her old videos by adding fake lips to images of herself pretending to be singing this song. The one good thing is that it featured clips of her from YCDTOTV whilst being slimed, and from her home movies as a child. However, this is ruined by a shot of the baby Alanis, (obviously shot just that day), being born and pretending to sing this song. Lame!

Dating Berg. Even though I think that Ryan Reynolds is really sleazy looking, (except, of course, in Just Friends), I believe that this is called 'dating up'. Still, they would have had a the grossest children ever. Alanis should have stuck to lesbian affairs, as she later revealed to have had. On a side note, whatever happened to the pizza place?

Breaking up with Berg. Even though I knew it would fail, it still made me sad. If two former Canadians turned L.A. celebrities couldn't make it, then who stands a chance?

Covering the Seal song Crazy. Alanis had officially become M.O.R.

My Humps. Her best work in years. Alanis slowed down the song from Fergie, (who I have already discussed), and revealed just how profound the lyrics of the song really are. Also, the video just features Alanis pretending to punch guys in slow motion, and pretending she has a body. It's actually quite good. Watch it on Youtube.

Well, this was a long post, but You Learn something new every day. Thank U.

Unseixest Female Celebs - #44 Megan Hauserman

Tale as old as time....

Get on me all you like about how Megan Hauserman is not a celebrity, but she did win a lot of money, solely because she 'changed' more than some other bimbo. I don't know what it is that the Beautyful Megan changed, (her implants, perhaps?) but winning Beauty and the Geek has made her just famous enough to be on this list. Her hair is fake, her breasts are fake, her smile seemed fake, but Megan Hauserman is really unsexy. I'd take Scooter over Megan. well, maybe that Paio guy instead. It would be his first time with a girl...or a guy.

I realize that this post is at least a month too late, but if you can still find Megan's Playboy pictures online, I say that she qualifies. She's a beauty and a beast.

Unsexiest Female Celebs - #45 Gisele Bündchen

Top Ten Reasons to hate Gisele Bündchen

1. Taxi

2. Dated Leonardo DiCaprio

3. The thing on the 'u' in her name. What is the name of that thing and what does it mean?

4. Owns a Yorkshire Terrier. That's like the gayest dog ever.

5. Breast Implants

6. German

7. She's in a Mac commercial. I hate Macs

8. Has a twin, but it's a fraternal twin, (identical twins are much cooler).

9. Less than a year older than me, but way richer.

10. Supposedly discovered at a McDonalds. Like a Brazilian future model would ever be spotted at a McDonalds. Maybe in the washroom throwing up, and not from the food.

10 a. Not sexy


Top Ten Reasons Not to Hate Gisele Bündchen

1. Along with Bridget Moynahan, is supposedly also carrying Tom Brady's child. Two women having little football players at the same time? That's bigger than K-Fed!

2. That's it, really.