I had a dream

A pale white man dark-haired man appears alone in a garish set. This is an informercial-type seeting, but with no audience. The man is wearing a garish argyle cape. He laughs and then speaks.

"Hello friends. My name is Vladimir. But unlike the Vladimir who swings a bat, I am famous for turning into a bat. I am here to talk to you about a problem that I have been having lately. You see, I like to think of myself as a pretty healthy guy. I've been on earth for a long time. I get plenty of sleep during the day, and I am active during the night. I make sure to avoid garlic and steaks, and I drink plenty of water, as long as its not holy. But I had been feeling pretty rundown. I felt undead inside. I've been coffin a lot too. Maybe drinking blood just isn't as invigorating as it was 400 years ago. So I've invented a subsitute, a plasma energy drink, if you will. It's called Blood Red Bull. It will instill you with new energy, satisfy your craving for flesh, (no bull, it is made of bull) and most importantly Blood Red Bull will give you wings. Order in the next thirty minutes, and you will receieve a customized gold-plated Magic Bullet. I can't stand Silver Bullets. Make sure to set up an online acCount, as I can ship an order anywhere from Transylvania to Pennsylvania to Great Neck."

An offscreen voice says "This ad will be airing all night, as part of a series of Vampire Weekend Infomercials. Stay tuned for other new products like Nosferatuna - extremely high in mercury! "